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Toby Ferret ~ Ooooh, Brexit! Hey! Brussels!

Leave us Brits alone!



<<Toby stares at his computer screen, feverishly trying to think of something clever and witty to say about the Brexit vote in the UK. How do you contribute to the conversation when so much has already been reported and written about? What’s an ordinary ferret to do?

Suddenly, strains of David Bowie’s hit song FASHION drift into Toby’s consciousness, and he runs with the idea>>

“I’m being asked to vote, but it’s not very clear,
Should we stay with the EU, or just get out of here?
It’s big, bureaucratic, full of hot air and fear,
They love it over there, but we don’t we love it here.

Brexit – Vote to get out!
Brexit – Vote to remain!

Ooooh, Brexit!

We are the EU and we’re coming to town,
Beep beep – beep beep!”

<<Mick Jagger shoves The Thin White Duke out of Toby’s head and starts riffing on I WANT TO PAINT IT BLACK>>

“I see a Brexit and I want my country back,
Don’t want the UK to be run by EU hacks,
Don’t want the Turks or Poles or Muslims on the Thames,
I’m just a bloke who wants my England back again!”

<<Julie Andrews appears and smacks Jagger with an umbrella. She fills Toby’s mind with THE SOUND OF MUSIC>>

“How do you solve a problem like a Brexit?
How do you make your mind up what to do?
Nan tells me that I ought to vote for Brexit,
Or it’s no bangers and mash if I go with EU!”

<<Toby starts to think about his most favourite things. The Beatles pop up in his mind. Toby asks himself if the UK wants to start a REVOLUTION>>

You say you want to stay in Europe,
Well, you know.
We all think that’s pretty cool.
The world wants you staying in Europe,
Well, you know.
So we’ll hang with the EU,

But when you talk about us leaving,
Don’t you know that you can count me out,
Don’t you know it’s gonna’ be
Alright, alright, alright.

<<Toby thinks about the young people in the UK who voted to remain, compared to all the older adults who wanted to leave. Strains of Pink Floyd’s THE WALL float through his imagination>>

“We don’t need no Turks in England,
We don’t need more trade controls,
No dark agendas from the E-U,
Brussels leave us Brits alone.

Hey! Brussels! Leave us Brits alone!

All in all, we’re just a brick that’s stuck in their wall.
All in all, we’re just a brick that’s stuck in their wall.”

<<Toby smiles – well, this will have to do>>

““If we open a quarrel between the past and the present we shall find that we have lost the future.” (Winston Churchill)


Toby Ferret



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